Within These Moments

I listened to Rascal Flatts 'What Hurts The Most' on repeat for months after I broke up with my first boyfriend. Couldn't talk, couldn't eat, didn't want anything, but him back. I felt so lost and unwanted, my heart was broken and I was weak. I remember I cried and cried until my eyes were so puffed up that I could no longer keep them open, my head would be pounding so hard from my sobbing, and I would eventually dose off in exhaustion. Some nights I would get into bed and pray to God that it could somehow workout, that my parents would be more approving, that he would grow up, that I would run into him somewhere, just to have his eyes meet mine. I was so emotionally depleted and upset to have lost someone that I cared about that much. Naturally, I was drawn to sad, slow, depressing country music. [Like most teenagers my age who had experienced a heartbreak] I would stare at myself in the mirror and cry watching every single tear that would fall down my face as if they were my ticket to recovery.

This is a feeling I have become all too familiar with these days. I am 17 all over again, lost, unwanted, broken hearted, and weak. Each day is a struggle, and losing people that have made lasting impressions in your life is never easy. BUT, it is necessary. It is moments like this that give you hope for change. Keep you steadfast. Show you that deep within yourself there is a love much greater than what any individual has ever given you. It is a 'good hurt', and a painful, yet rewarding road. I have never ran so hard and for so long in my entire life, except within these moments. The best music I have ever written is within these moments, and the most satisfied I have ever been spiritually is within. these. moments.

This quote always fills me with hope...
  
 "Send them love and light every time you think of them, then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of them because then you'll be really alone... If you clear out all that space in your head that you're using right now to obsess about this person, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot, – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in, God will rush in and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed... Let it go." Eat, Pray, Love–Elizabeth Gilbert