Empathy

After hearing upsetting news from a friend today, I was paralyzed with fear, sadness, worry and heartbreak. It was so out of the ordinary for me, to feel what she felt, almost as if her pain was my pain. I was at work, staring at my keyboard completely unaware of the time, my schedule, the deadlines, when it came over me. I have always heard at church that speech about "Jesus tugging on your heart" or some rendition of that... but never really had a personal connection with those words, until today. It was such a foreign concept to me that I almost tried to avoid it or somehow find a way to think about something else, be anywhere else.

Then it happened, like a sea of warmth coming over my whole body, I let myself feel. I wept. I just completely let go and let that 'tugging' on my heart take over. I prayed and thanked God for my life, for her life, and all of the meaning that he has given it. I have been so ungrateful, full of selfishness, and have taken everything I have been given for granted. My heart was breaking for the struggle of a friend and my heart was breaking because I realized that I have lost touch with the greatest love of all.

Naturally, when anything spiritual arises in my life, I call mom. She seems to know what to say and how to handle things, and sure enough she did. She told me that she prays for me everyday, and that she is proud of me, and I cried. She knew exactly what I was feeling–empathy. I told her that I felt like my life hasn't been the greatest example of how to live it the "Christian" way. I told her it was the first time I felt like someone was put in my life for a reason. The first time I felt that 'tugging' on my heart, and I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was such a blessing, much needed. A refreshing feeling, consuming me... and at the end of the day all I could think about was how I want to live with a heart of compassion, a heart full of empathy, a heart like my mother's.

Sparks

Sometimes songs are worth listening to multiple times. Especially the ones that take you back, to that place where you danced, where you laughed, where you told yourself you could never be happier except for in that moment. And then some songs are so impressionable, that listening to them should be rare. Because these are the ones that gave your life a melody, a ebb and flow. Similar to pulling out old memorabilia and pictures from your past, this you do every so often to remind yourself where you came from, and or what you've been through.

Similarly, some love is worth fighting for multiple times. Especially the kind that takes you back, to that place where you first spoke, where you smiled, where you told yourself you never thought this would happen. And then some love is so impressionable, that having it was rare. Because these are the ones that gave your life melody, a ebb and flow.

Tonight's repeat is Sparks–Coldplay.